I’ve spent the last few days sitting by the side of a dying man. It’s the first time in my life that I have seen first hand the struggle of the end of life. I’ve had family members pass away over the years, but none of those situations have found me centered so squarely in the middle as this has. To be honest, I was nervous when I was asked to be with Erica’s Grandmother as her husband was being transported back for home hospice care. I was scared of the unknown, and how I would react to the situation that was unfolding. What I didn’t know was that over the next few days, a lot of my time would be spent staring death in the face and doing my best to comfort her Grandmother and her husband in his last days.
As I faced the gruesome realities of death face on, it was impossible not to feel a mix of emotions pinging between grief, empathy, pity and sadness. Seeing the fragility of life struck an unfamiliar cord in my soul. I’ll be turning 31 this May, so death hasn’t been something at the forefront of my mind.
But something happens inside you when you spend time with a person close to death. Though I didn’t know him well, being with him during his finals days created a closeness that can only be developed in such a vulnerable and desperate situation. Though there was nothing I could do, it created a sense of responsibility to help in any way I could.
Even though he doesn’t know it, he taught me many things in the last days of his life that I will never forget. He gave me a greater appreciation for life itself. That I can wake up each day in good health makes me grateful and less inclined to complain about the small things. I look at Erica with an even deeper admiration for her, the love that I have for her, and the life that we get to share together.
As I played one of his favorite hymns on my computer, I heard him do his best to utter the words when it got to the chorus. “It is well, with my soul. It is well with my soul.” For those few moments I saw hope in his eyes as he looked forward with expectation for what was to come. I have a deeper thankfulness for the hope and joy we have as those who have a relationship with God. It would seem absolutely impossible to find peace and comfort in that situation without our faith, and we are so grateful that we will soon celebrate Jim’s new life and honor his memory.
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